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|Thursday, April 26th, 2007|
just said this to my via email: "I just dropped a bomb in the toilet that made Enola Gay's Little Boy look like a firecracker in comparison. :)"
Man, do I dig a girl that's comfortable with her own poo.
|Tuesday, December 12th, 2006|
|Wednesday, November 9th, 2005|
Ever have a dream you were farting and woke yourself up by shitting yourself?
Hello, 5:30 AM.
|Sunday, October 16th, 2005|
|Friday, September 30th, 2005|
I poop a lot.
Sometimes I poop 3-4 times a day. Sometimes more. My poops always range in color, stench and consistency. The one things they always are, though, are plentiful and often.
Well, about 3 days ago, that changed. I pooped Tuesday and it was small, hard and had no smell at all. No poop wednesday. None Thursday. This morning, I get worried and try to push one out, but nothing comes out. I eat cheese (I'm lactose intolerant) in hopes my body would violently reject whatever is in me. Nothing comes out.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
|Tuesday, August 30th, 2005|
A tasty protein shake
Well, it seems you've all been constipated, since there have been no poop stories.
Allow me to help resuscitate your bowels.
I'm sure you've heard the talk about Omega-3 and fish. Well, I'm allergic to fish. Thankfully, God invented flaxseed. Now you can get your healthy oil and some nutrition too in a tasty shake. Here's what you need:
--fruit (my favorite is banana. sometimes I also add strawberry, cherry, orange, or whatever is lying around)
--Ice (or use frozen fruit, then you'll need little or none)
--raw flaxseed (you can buy this at your local bulk food store. I get it from the Natural Food (Poop) patch. how much to use? depends on your caloric needs. I recommend at least 1/4 cup dry. see here for nutritional data:http://www.nutritiondata.com/facts-001-02s02fv.html
you can use either golden or brown, nutritionally they're basically identical...golden often tastes better....but the banana will mask the taste anyhow. The brown is twice as cheap. Plus, it's the color of a good poop!)
You can also add some soy milk or powder, yogurt (this works synergistically with banana), or some other hi-protein source to make this a true "power" drink. But, the whole flaxseed itself is fairly high in protein.
Start with the flaxseed. It's tough, so you gotta soak it. In a pinch, you can soak it for about an hour or so before you make it. (don't leave it out too long though, as it will start to go rancid after several hours). I usually soak mine inside a jar in the fridge so it won't spoil. Use at least an equal amount of water, coz this baby will soak it up.
You see...that's why whole flax is better than taking just the oil. You get protein, and FIBER! But not just any fiber. Flax is a mucilaginous seed. Basically, instead of just soaking in the water, it turns the surrounding water into a jelly. The main ingredient in Metamucil (psyllium) is *also* a mucilagenous seed. So you get that same laxative effect, plus well balanced nutritional value, for only about $1 per pound.
Now that you have become an enlightened consumer, put that soaked flax in the blender, add a little water if it's too thick, and start grinding. (your blender may start to vibrate. it's a great morning pick-me-up. be sure you don't burn out the motor.)
Things are gonna start to get HOT with all that friction. So, add some ice. When the ice starts to crush, visualize your victory in crushing THE MAN!
Now you can add the fruit. I usually start with thicker stuff and then thin things out. So, add some banana. Then maybe some other fruit and some more ice to seal the deal. By now you should see brown flax husks along the sides of the blender. (the insides of the seeds are cream color). If for some reason a few seeds still haven't been crushed, don't worry, they'll pass right through harmlessly.
You can now relax and celebrate your triumph over dependence on corporate laxatives. Enjoy your banana-flax smoothie!
|Saturday, April 16th, 2005|
|Friday, February 18th, 2005|
Ever take a poop that smelled like syrup? I have no idea why mine just did. I haven't eaten candy or syrup or waffles or anything like it. The last two days I've had two turkey sammiches and pizza rolls and I'm suddenly pooing out something that looks like soft-serve icecream and smells like syrup.
|Thursday, January 6th, 2005|
one time i pooped a 2-footer
i like crapped and it naturally broke in half when it fit into the bowl
to no surprize it didn't fit down the drain and had to be broken up with a plunger or coat hanger or something
i was 11 at the time
and i lost practically 2% of my body weight after that work out of the gluts
|Wednesday, December 22nd, 2004|
I've been eating fast food all week. I've been dehydrated all week.
Two minutes ago, I took a shit that was dense, clay-like and ridged. Two hard wipes showed lots of blood. It soaked through the t.p. actually.
I got the brown eye clean, took two steps and more had to come out. This time, it was all acidy, liquid and smelled like a horse.
Why no middle ground? Rock hard to liquid, within minutes of each other?
|Wednesday, October 27th, 2004|
I'm proud to say that my poops are generally quite healthy. Sometimes they even float. I guess it's all the whole grains, vegetables and leafy greens I eat to maintain a nutritious diet.
Sometimes my poops will do random things though. What goes in doesn't always come out as expected. Sometimes, I hardly eat at all, and massive amounts are ejected. Other times, I am going through a period of really shoveling it in, yet not much really seems to come out. In general, though, I'm a quite predictable pooper. Lately, I'd have to say I'm quite satisfied with the quality. The consistency and continuity are both excellent. Life is good.
|Wednesday, October 20th, 2004|
my most recent turd was soft and smooth, a shaft of wonderful length and girth, protruding from the hole in the bowl to the top of the water. hmmm you wouldn't believe a log like that could come out of a girl my size.
it's all that falafel... it's gotta be. Current Mood: bored
|Monday, October 18th, 2004|
this lamb and rice my dog has been eating is making her constipated... i knew i should have stayed with the kibbles n bits. it made her poop smooth and gave her easy secretion. poor puppy. Current Mood: silly
|Thursday, October 14th, 2004|
ahhhh... my amazing ability to FUCKIN POOP way more than i have eaten, just cost me my job. unless, of course, i have a doctor's note in one day; and i don't have insurance. plus my ex, whom i have been splitting rent with, is moving out soon.
oh the splendors of irritable bowels. Current Mood: distressed
|Tuesday, October 12th, 2004|
i am indeed happy to now be a member of talkaboutpoop. my last poop was soft, dark brown, and swirled with tan like a twist ice cream cone. it also caused me a great deal of abdominal discomfort before i pooped. that is all. Current Mood: cheerful
|Monday, September 20th, 2004|
Wasabi does something weird to my poo.
When I eat huge globs of it, it REALLY does something weird.
This weekend, I ate two tablespoons of it with my sushi. My mouth and anus were both on fire.
This morning, I took a shit that came out bloody as hell, paste-like and HOT. That's the last time I do that.
|Wednesday, September 15th, 2004|
Hi, everyone. I'm a newbie to this community.
In the spirit of the community, I just want to say that everyone poops
And yes, I believe that this particular book shows up every once in a while on the banned books list
, although I could be wrong. (Celebrate banned books week, coming soon! Sept. 24-Oct. 1.)
|Tuesday, September 14th, 2004|
my shit... smells as if I were deathly ill.
I don't know what the hell I ate that would make it smell so awful.
|Wednesday, September 1st, 2004|
I've been so worried to take a poo at my job.
Today, I was the only one in the office.. so I took a shit that could have peeled the paint off the walls.
It stunk like McDonalds, Hummus, Feta, penis and syrup.
I haven't had any syrop, so I have no idea where that came from.
|Monday, August 23rd, 2004|
Anyone who eats enough McDonalds knows that your anus is destined to be a blender with a pressure release valve inside of an hour.
I ate two McDonalds Egg McMuffins with Sausage this morning and followed it up with a large Hi-C Orange. Everything seemed fine until I got to work.
I was in the midst of a watercooler conversation when it hit me that I had something hot and evil in my anus.
I rushed to the closest bathroom, which just happens to be in the main hallway that everyone walks by. I dropped shorts and opened my anus slowly, letting the first bit of hot alien-dribble leak from the hole. I felt the warm fluids run along the anus walls and out, dripping out. I could feel the motherload behind it.
With one quick push, I release the yield upon the bowl.
It's the exact same smell going in as out. That smell of half-cooked eggs, sausage-like meat product and buttery muffin arose from between my legs. My first thought was, "Damn... tasty..." and then the smell of brocolli and dead babies filled the room.
I pushed hard to release the mass, followed by a quick escape of gas and a shower of liquid that splashed back hot against my ass cheeks.
I quickly slid my shorts and shows off, should anything fall when I stood up. No fallout. No hangers. Three quick wipes and I was done.
I leave this job in a few days after being here four years. These toilets know me. They love me. Time for new territory, though. My like manifest destiny, my anus knows no bounds.